“Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their ground.”
– Henry David Thoreau
Face it. Every one of us knows one or two nudniks who fit Henry’s proclamation about acorns. In fact, metaphorically speaking, we’d probably have to own up to dropping a lifetime of leaves ourselves.
But that’s a good thing, right? Standing your ground, I mean. It builds character. Encourages resilience. Teaches you to deal with life’s adversities. And if you happen to live in Florida, it means you can shoot just about anybody who gives you the stink-eye. I don’t know for sure, but I’m thinking that may be contributing to the state’s current population decline.
As I was reminded in a recent PBS documentary (Yeah. Ken Burns is at it again),Thoreau was one of the first American writers to zero in on “the quest for a meaningful life,” as well as “the importance of standing up for one’s beliefs in the public square.” Listen, I’m behind both those concepts, especially if the quest involves relaxing in the doorway of a cabin in the Massachusetts woods all day long and dipping your toes in Walden Pond – presuming, of course, that some sort of modern-day plumbing is available.
The series offers an interesting look at how a 19th-century natural philosopher’s ideas influenced Americans across 165 years of history, and I’d wholeheartedly recommend taking some time to tune in. (Thoreau was all about taking time.) What I’d NOT recommend, however, is doing what I eventually did, which is letting your mind wander into a sordid examination of the tortured similarity between the names Henry David Thoreau and … God help me … Larry David Thoreau.
I don’t know why it happened. It just did. And now I can’t drain my pre-frontal lobes of an imaginary episode that has the Curb Your Enthusiasm star hijacking the words of an otherwise innocent American literary giant to offer his own twisted take on the meaning of life in a bug-infested forest.
Sorry. It can’t be stopped. You might as well buckle up.
* * *
“I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life.” And that turns out to be what? Mosquitoes and a latrine? Listen. Unless you add a sofa, a 60-inch flat-screen and a pizza, you can get someone else to listen to all that baloney about the good life. Now that I think about it, I’m gonna need some baloney, too.
“It’s the beauty within us that makes it possible for us to recognize the beauty around us. The question is not what you look at, but what you see.” Again, all I’m seeing is that great big hole in the ground and an empty refrigerator. Who do we call for take-out?
“Life isn’t about finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself. So live the life you imagined.” I’d love to. Can you introduce me to the couple who owns that 8,000-square-foot mansion with the swimming pool and wine cellar on the other side of the pond? You know. The one with the four-car garage …
“Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” Unless you count the casino on the outskirts of town. Free drinks, and heat that doesn’t involve sitting so close to a fire that your underwear starts to smolder.
“I make myself rich by making my wants few.” Yeah? Well, it seems pretty clear to me that if I ever want more, I’m gonna have to make myself scarce.
“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.” Jesus, I feel like I’m dying.
* * *
OK. That’s enough. I’m Thoreau-ly exhausted.
... While it All Falls Apart 
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