Into the void

SOMEWHERE BETWEEN NEPAL AND CHINA  (The New York Times) – Mount Everest is in transition … with researchers estimating that about three million kilograms of glacial ice and snow [are] lost each spring. One of the most shocking findings: Human urine is responsible for (approximately) 154 tons of melt in the Khumbu Glacier. More than 6,000 liters are produced daily by thousands of climbers and guides.

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Don’t panic. It’s bad, yes, but there is some reason to be optimistic. I do a little climbing myself. Usually out of bed, three or four (hundred) times a night, to stay on the happy side of Mr. Bladder. The good news is that I have no desire to conquer Mount Everest.

From Kathmandu to Bhojpur, dozens of grizzled sherpas are breathing a sigh of relief.

And honestly, the headlines may be, well … a touch hyperbolic. Sure, there’s some concern about possibly contaminating an ice-cold source of drinking water for lower-level mountain communities, but when you think about it, fighting downhill pollution has always been an uphill battle, hasn’t it?

The truth is, humans across the globe have relied for centuries on leach fields to return their reluctant but necessary contributions to subterranean water sources in a relatively pure form. And that’s not even figuring in the renal offerings of about 10 million other species – including the Himalayas’ dreaded abominable snowman – which somehow get treated naturally on their organic flow into artesian aquifers.

Consider this: The Chinese city of Guangzhou, currently the world’s most populated metropolitan area, manages to handle the daily excretory output of some 72 million inhabitants without triggering environmental disaster. Six thousand liters is a skate in the frozen park. 

By the way, this might be a suitable moment to remind people about a scientifically supported phenomenon called fecal veneer. And no, I’m not making this up. Every Earth-bound life form we’ve run into so far – from amoebas to tyrannosaurus rex to that kid down the street who appears to be so blithely unfamiliar with the concept of bathtub – needs to empty itself in order to be fulfilled. It’s how we all undeniably waste our lives.

Now think about 3.5 billion years of bacterial and animal output spread across the planet in a molecule-thin film, covering everything in an invisible frosting. Yup. It’s there, people. And don’t fool yourself. Nobody gives a sh_t.

And why should they, really. Like a yellow stain in the snow and ice, it’s all quite natural, and eventually will take care of itself.

Which is not to suggest that global warming – the real troublemaker when it comes to melting glaciers – couldn’t use a little more attention. Compared to all the fuel used for cooking, lighting, heated tent floors and hot showers at Everest Base Camp, blaming glacial melt on a little voiding alfresco turns out to be a piss-poor excuse.

Like everything else … it all Depend®s.